im tired

tday was the nd of a long week for me. Im glad that I will have some tim to relax a little bit and unwid before i start moving into my new place monday. I have a talent show this coming friday and will be a part of 4 time slot. I am going to play guitar and sing the firs one. te next one i am suposed to have a dance partner anddo some east coast swing commonly knowen as jitter bug. the next slot I am going to dance a Waltz with one of the nurses and finish out with another guy and an aid an sisng another song while we play guitars. I dont care the cost of how much is goig o hurt I want the residents at the nursing home to be lite hearted so I am giving my all into this. i have had a couple of the gals who are gog todance with me complain how much they are hurting. com on Im twice there ag and yet I am willing to give myself o the enjoymnt to those who are living there. I gues Im just too bull headed t give up and i dont care how old you are if im twice your age dont snivvel to me about pains and achs. there is not one joint in my body that is not screaming righ now so put on your bi girl panties and suck it up its 5 minutes of moving for craps sake.. now will see who whines at the end of nextfriday.....lol

an awesome weekend

i got off work saturday and had been talking to a friend i have knowen for many years. she was going to house set saturday evening and asked me if I wanted to help. I thought abou it someand have wanted to take thetruck on a road trip i decided to hit the road. got there and went out to eat with her son daughter adn grandson. then back to the house and we got to talk. soon she was off to bed and I to the sofa for a great nights sleep. awoke and showered and coffee ad we were off to Caulder then big creek where she lives with her Daddy. after we al got settled we took off to sight in my rifle. we drove up the mountain and found a nice place to shoot and got it sighted in. back to th ehouse and warm up then he oldest son and I go back out and shoot some more. 300 yards killing rocks. a super dinner of Elk steak mashed taters gravy and corn. te whole trip was very nice as so many memories came back mostly good but yes some ba ones too. driving back to town this morning we seen a bunch of Elk deer  and such. over all it was a wonderfull weekend. I even got invited back and will go again. m not sure but the feelings of many years ago have never died. infact they have got stronger.

just another day in my boring life

Yestrday was rather interesting. i got done with all my things to do at work and so  heled out like always doing little things that needed done. one of the residents who had been failing fast finnaly passed away. this time it was a relief as I believe she was ready to go and she had her family with her. the day was sunny and warm and after work it was nice to enjoy the heat. Today is dreary cold and cloudy. I so cant wait for it to warm up i just want to get out an enjoy the out doors again

wooo hoo its sunday

yay its sunday the day of rest. last night i was so exhausted from working and little sleep I decided to go to the storage shed and sleep! I got a spot cleared out on the floor layed down the matress then i dug out my egg drate adn finished it off with my sleeping bags. I found a couple pillows and I was set. I knew this was going to be a great nights sleep as I dove into the bag.  I took my hoodie and pulled the hood over my head adn the sleeping bag up to my face. seconds later with the rain beating on the roof i was history! i slept untill about 4:30 had tp Pee and back to sleep again. At 7:30 same situation. i got back in the sleeping bag and once more i was fast asleep. another hour past and I am awake for the day. walked back to the house and had some Pizzza and Pepsi for breakfast and messed around and fell asleep on the sofa. this time when I woke up it felt like I had been hit by a 2 ton bomb everything hurt...... fixed me some carmel corn and a glass of milk and I am set. I so cant wait for it to warm up and I can get out and camp.

class all over again ( a lesson in humanity)

today was my first solo day at work. I got in Early like always to have a couplle minutes to face the day. I got clocked in and got my cart all ready with my supplys i needed adn headed out. the side work or so its called  got done and I was off to start cleaning the residents rooms. there is a lady I have knowen since I was 7 years old who was my second grade teacher in our special needs unit. (alzheimers unit) I tryed to talk to her a couple days ago but she didnt even remember she had been a teacher. I asked the nurse about visiting with her adn she encouraged me to talk and see if she remembered anything. all the residents of that unit were in there dinning room setting around there tables so I thought i would just go visit and see what happened. I walked into the room and searched for this lady adn just ahead of me was an older lady who was standing there arms reaching for me and she was crying like she was looking to me for comfort. I was totaly not ready for that one. I had no cluse what protocall is so i just did what I do..... I walked over and gave her a hug. she held on and cryed adn cryed and jusst burryed her head in my chest and i felt so helpless.
soon another lady was comforting hernad the tears stopped. the lady seemed calmed down so i was able t visit with the lady who I had searched for. I started talking to her and this time she had remembered me adn remembered what she had done for work for so many years. I felt touched and so humbled. I  soon was off cleaning and went to the room of yet another Lady. I explained I would be cleaning and asked if that was going to be ok. I got a yes that will be fine and soon she was talking..... the only thing this Woman wished for was to get out and walk. she told me she had got to go walk but she had fallen so she was not going to get to solo walking. it came to me tha I think its time to take the time to get some of these people out and let them enjoy the spring air when it warms up some. I think its going to be interesting to just take them in there wheel chair for a short walk and just let them talk. I have yet again been changed. Im looking forward to listening to some stories from these people. I know each of them is so lonely as when i clean each wishes to just talk. I have had to adjust to being able to work and talk and give them some conversation. Im not sure where this is going to go but im ready!

my first real day of work at the new job

Today was fun. I was assigned to a gal my age and they call her shorty. she is a hoot! we hit it off great adn she was awesome as a trainer, i got to meet so many people today. I will never get there names im so thankfull for name badges. they have a cafeteria at work adn you can purchace meals so I thought I would give it a try. I bouchr a meal ticket just like in school and  could not wait for lunch. I looked at the price of there meals adn holy crap almost 7 bux for a lunch. I wont be eating lunch there much. however for 2.50 you can get there salad bar. it was ok but anyone who knows me knows I need alot of calories a day to get by. just after lunch I was off to get my fingerprints taken and the back ground crap done. I HATE doing that!!!!
 after all that it was back to work and the end of shift. I came home called a few friends and waited for the dude to cal about a tool I had for sale on craigslist. got the call drove to Pullman sold it adn back home. I will be so thankfull to have my own space.

orientation day

today I woke up and got ready for work..... I know that sounds trivial but it was my first day adn orientation is always interesting. I got to sign a bunch of new forms then off to watch a boat load of videos they even fed me lunch. after lunch it was back to more videos adn when i had them done I got to again sign my name a bunch again. then it was the hepatitus b shot. im so glad to have work. I start tommorow cleaning and im ready to start working. I do have a fear..... I may know some of the resedence and I have an aunt who lives there. i think its going to be hard to be there adn watching them pass away. i know i am a tough guy but inside im really not. i know its going to be hard adn im worried i will have a hard time with it. I also know me... i will make frieends with many people and bring a few smiles to many faces by just being me. i hope i can handle it.

yet another weekend has passed

what a week after selling the stock trailor and buying a truck i had a little cash left to go to the gun show! I used to love to go to them and see people i had not seen in a while but now I go and see alot of faces I have never seen. But its all good this way i still get to be just part of the crowd. while at the show I remebered something i really dont ike. imagine your looking at some cool thing and some jerk just pushes there way into you and you have to move on. there was this guy selling tazers there adn all the time i was there colse by his table i could hear him light it up. after i got home I got thinking that I wish I had one there and those jerks who wana just push and shove well zap em. how funny would that be when they get up off the floor look at em and ask didnt yer Mama teach your sorry ass any manners? then just walk off. I did get to buy a couple things for my new rifle. first off I got a new mounting bracket that fits my rifle and you can hang many accessories from it such as bi pods and lazers or flash lights etc. i chose a bi pod now when I get to take it out and shoot perhaps I will be steady enough to really fine sight it in so I can shoot longer ranges adn be more acurate. I got a text from my bestest friend lst night and she was all excited about some writing whe is doing. ( She is very good)  she shared with me her story adn i was once again impressed with her ability to be so creative adn get it on paper so to speak.
Today was alot more layed back for me I chose to stay home and not go with my brother adn his wife to the gun show again. I went and seen a cousin i had not seen in years then to my great aunts and visited with her then off for a burger and fries and wound up at my favorite Aunts place and spent time with her. I so cant wait for it to warm up some more adn the ground to dry up. I will be going camping and shooting and then as it warms more off to find some mushrooms.
Tommorow should be interesting as well. I have to insure the new truck and buy tags for it. i hope to do some trading to have a few minor things dont to it in a shop and then i will have that behind me.
it should be an interesting week.

Dancing

 I have always had a time with how people look at me. I also learned a long time ago that if you wish to be noticed dance well. I remember my first dance I was so clumsey adn awkward. but years pass and we learn. now when it comes to dancing to country and western dance Im pretty bad ass. i worked hard to learn the dances and then when i had them down pat I modifyed em to my own thing. i can say this is about the only area of my life i feel confidence thats second to none. Now I am learning a new style of dance. music from the 30's adn 40's its kinda hard to adjust as its just backwards to every thing I know. but after learning east coast swing I have the steps down pat so i am perfecting the moves. its always a confidence builder when one of the college girls asks me to dance.
it has been said that my grandpa was the most smooth waltzer in that time period. I always thought it would be bad ass to atleast be as good or maybe even beter than he was. this dance was the hardest thing I ever tryed but after a few years of not giving up i mastered it! tonight I got to teach a young lady how to waltz and gave her a boost of self confidence like no one ever has. it ws so much fun to be spinning in perfect step infront of many people  and make her look like she was the most bad ass woman on the floor! yeah for me i get to feel good!

in need of some help

I am wondering if I have a neon sign that says Looser flying over my head thats only visible to other people? again I have been hurt! I have a hard time when your close to someone and you are there through thick and thin and poof that person is gone. Im so tired of being hurt i could scream. 3 of my 5 kids have now pretty much ditched old Dad adn it hurts. Im so tired of the heart ache i just want to disapear and say to hell with it. Trust me it my world it would be very easy to disapear. I am at that point in life where i just want to give up, Im tired of trying and giving and hurting. I know this sounds so dramatic but its how i feel. I went in today to do all the paperwork for my new job and get my physical and guess what happened? I failed!!!! the limit for the blood pressure is 140 over 90 and I did 147 over 92 so tommorow I get to make a visit to the doctor and get a physsical there.....woooo hooo I just hope i pass. i have had many hits on my trailor and have found the most beautifull truck
i m sellin the trailor for 2 grand and the trucck is 1500 so I will have money for insurance adn tags. I just hope this font fall through too.

so my question is this......... should a person just stop careing and be hardened adn callous or should I keep on trying? andy suggestions would be awesome

my bestest friend

I met Nancy many years ago on line. she was a challenge. I loved to talk with her and give her a hard time.fro this we became close friends and eventually we got to meet in person. I will never forget this goof ball with her mama in Arkansas. Nanvy had a red bandana on her head and I remember telling her to take it off. Her Mama even got into this little game and no luck. me being me I just grabbed it adn stuffed it down my pants and dared her to come get it. she never did as I still have it. From there Nancy woud talk with me about things that had her concerned or if she needed some advise we would talk.
 I remember when she was dating this guy  she would call or message me adn ask questions. I would advise her or i would give her my predictions of what was going to happen. soon after i would get a call and anticipate those three little words I came to love......."I hate you"  as usuall what ever i predicted well it came true. of course whe would tell me she loved me and we would talk more. we talked about EVERYTHING!!!!  there was no topic off limits. then came the time she met her prospective husband. Nancy made the guy come meet me and I got to give him my standard talk.... you make my little girl cry I will make you cry like a little girl! thats when things started to come unravelled. My angel became someone who i didnt recognise. one night on a tip from her x i was told she was sleepin in her truck because she was too tired to drive the rest of the way home. I drove to where she was, banged on the window and she woke up with a deer in the headlight look. sh eonly rolled the window down a couple inches, so I told her if she didnt roll it all the way down I would break it. she did adn i came through it and gave her a big old hug, told her I loved her and she was going to follow me to the house. i also told her should she choose to run I would run her off the road.....it was all a threat i could not have hurt anyone. but it worked!
Nancy followed me home and got a shower adn night clothes on and i showed her her room. soon she was asleep. nexy morning I woke up and went in her room and piled in bed with her and held her and we talked. and thats it we JUST talked. I gave her some money so she could get her meds in town and told her she could stay as long as she wanted. I returned at lunch to find her upset and crying.....im not going to get into all of this but it touched me. after i held her and talked to her and soothed her she agreed to go to a Dr. appointment she did so and for that im forever glad. I also made sure that the Dr. knew that they had messed up her meds as this was NOT my nancy. Again i was always available for her to talk too adn gave her advise when she asked adn was there as a friend when she just needed to talk. we would go for a month or so at times with out talking but she always knew I was there as I always knew she was there for me. many months later i got to go visit her at her apartment and we went to unch and then to the tatoo parlor for some ink.
Nancy was the daughter i never got to have. we could talk about anything, and often did. nancy is one of those people who puts everything into a relationship. I got to see how devoted she is when her Mama got sick. Nancy gave everything into her care. I was even invited to share christmas day with her and her family. it was so fun. nancy spent alot of time and thought into each gift she gave and her mama lit up with her gifts. I remember when she passed from this earth to be with the angels. it was so very hard for Nancy as she was very close to her Mama. it took time before she could come out of her shell and even talk to me but she always knew I was there ready to talk and listen and soon she did. months later her Dad passed away.
after that nancy let me know she wanted to buy a house. she would send me links to the virtual tours and i would give my oppinion. i never did tell her which one i liked best I would not make that decision for her. soon Nancy was a proud home owner. I left that part of the country for a little while adn talk about PISSED! it hurt me that I had hurt her. when i came back we got to be even closer as I got to stay with her for a few weeks she had her room I had mine and it was so nice to cook again. it was a bit difficult as she is not a carnivour like i am but we always had something to eat. I miss all that! I have since moved from there but we are still just as close and i still have a key to the house and I know I still have my room should I need it.would i marry nancy? yep would it be interesting? yep will we marry? probibly not but I always have that to get a smile on her face....Nancy i do love you and I do miss you and I wish you were here

another day

I have listed my stock trailor on craigslist to sell it. I have it on another local site as well and did get a couple hits but they never panned out. I am wanting to sell it and buy a truck and start moving on. I sold a few more tools today to make ends meet and it kinda makes me sad as I spent so much and got so little yet ya gota do what ya gota do. its kinda hard for me right now as I need to be working and there are jobs out there but often i think im over qualifyed, so what do ya do?
I have had a bad feeling for a couple years that this old world as we know it is taking a turn for the worse. I see all the unrest in the world and I wonder. I have always believed that we are headed for a total world war adn im not sure anyone will win. I keep thinking I will do what I can to survive and take care of those who escape the horrer. I know it sounds crazy but i believe in my life time I will see it and it will be fought on us soil. so I prepare. what is it I would do should we be invaded? I have some special places I would run too and start stocking up on what mama Nature can provide. I hope this never comes to pass yet it always makes me wonder
Geg

today is depressing

woke up in a pretty good mood and went out and shoveled some snow piles out of the yard. go a call on my trailor but that didnt work out. I just hate it when people are buying things and what you have is crap. i spent alot of time and money in my trailor and to have someone act like its jusk kinda gets at me.

another day in the life

I have found it rather interesting how people can be. I have 5 daughters 3 are my blood and 2 that have adopted me is the best way I can put it. the oldest i shall call J just found out that Im her Daddy. I have always knowen that in my heart but a couple weeks ago her Mama and I went to visit her and her family. Her Mama dropped it in her lap who I am and then I explained why I was not there. so much to process. the next 2 I raised. yes I did have help along the way and also made misteaks. there Mother never contributed one penny for anything while they were growing up nor did she ever send  a card or gift for any occasion. aafter these 2 started havin babys there mom shows up and becomes this super human super mom. I became the turd in a punch bowl. now the 2 who have adopted me have made me feel more wanted and needed than anyone ever has. one I have been there for relationships, health issues, loosing her parents buying a house and a vast array of things. the other is pretty much in the same boat. I have got to purchace pregnancy tests a couple times been there for every relationship that failed every crisis I have got to share. I love each of these 5 girls unconditionally and would gladly lay down my life for them. so here is my question...... why is it that the 2 who I raised have chose to make me the bad guy for there lives and yet the 2 who adopted me let me know every day that Im special in there lives?   I do hope people will read this and comment.

Dancing

for anyone of you who really know me you will know that I have a passion for dance. I learned that dance makes me a person who is desireable. I have never been very confident in many things but dance. I am a good dancer. I love country dance. I like to teach it and I am always trying to create a new move here and there so I can look like I am all that. wellllllll i am now learning some dances from the 30 and 40"s i feel like i have 2 left feet as it is not easy crossing over to do swing dance but i think im gettin it. today i went out and got a pin stripe pair of slacks a white tee shirt black suspenders adn black penny loafers. I cant wait to get out in them and perhaps even a picture or so

first rounds

today i got to take the new ar15 out and sight it in. this was a trip. started the day b going to a gun hsow and true to form it was busy and had as much non gun stuff as it did fire arms and ammo. then the 30 mile drive away from town. set up some pop cans and such in the snow. Poof I shoot...have no idea where im hitting, so after a few rounds I choose a better place an old road that had been plowed and was for the most art snow free. im hitting very hi and to the left. (im shootin laying on the ice) a little adjustment and I am hitting a target. I did go through 45 rounds but its far from being sighted in. I cant wait to have a snow free area and some real targets. its my goal to be able to shoot a very tight group at a couple hundred yards.

what a year

this has been a good year so far. I moved back to Idaho after a 10 year leave in Arkansas. I came back a single man and for the first time in years i feel stress free. I am looking forward to meeting up with some old friends and family. I am also looking forward to this darn snow. Im so ready to start camping and gew stone hunting and perhaps a little gold panning. but first there is mushroom season.....yum. I will try to touch on some of my crazy adventures past and present and will give my thoughts on the many people who have crossed paths with