wooo hoo its sunday

yay its sunday the day of rest. last night i was so exhausted from working and little sleep I decided to go to the storage shed and sleep! I got a spot cleared out on the floor layed down the matress then i dug out my egg drate adn finished it off with my sleeping bags. I found a couple pillows and I was set. I knew this was going to be a great nights sleep as I dove into the bag.  I took my hoodie and pulled the hood over my head adn the sleeping bag up to my face. seconds later with the rain beating on the roof i was history! i slept untill about 4:30 had tp Pee and back to sleep again. At 7:30 same situation. i got back in the sleeping bag and once more i was fast asleep. another hour past and I am awake for the day. walked back to the house and had some Pizzza and Pepsi for breakfast and messed around and fell asleep on the sofa. this time when I woke up it felt like I had been hit by a 2 ton bomb everything hurt...... fixed me some carmel corn and a glass of milk and I am set. I so cant wait for it to warm up and I can get out and camp.

class all over again ( a lesson in humanity)

today was my first solo day at work. I got in Early like always to have a couplle minutes to face the day. I got clocked in and got my cart all ready with my supplys i needed adn headed out. the side work or so its called  got done and I was off to start cleaning the residents rooms. there is a lady I have knowen since I was 7 years old who was my second grade teacher in our special needs unit. (alzheimers unit) I tryed to talk to her a couple days ago but she didnt even remember she had been a teacher. I asked the nurse about visiting with her adn she encouraged me to talk and see if she remembered anything. all the residents of that unit were in there dinning room setting around there tables so I thought i would just go visit and see what happened. I walked into the room and searched for this lady adn just ahead of me was an older lady who was standing there arms reaching for me and she was crying like she was looking to me for comfort. I was totaly not ready for that one. I had no cluse what protocall is so i just did what I do..... I walked over and gave her a hug. she held on and cryed adn cryed and jusst burryed her head in my chest and i felt so helpless.
soon another lady was comforting hernad the tears stopped. the lady seemed calmed down so i was able t visit with the lady who I had searched for. I started talking to her and this time she had remembered me adn remembered what she had done for work for so many years. I felt touched and so humbled. I  soon was off cleaning and went to the room of yet another Lady. I explained I would be cleaning and asked if that was going to be ok. I got a yes that will be fine and soon she was talking..... the only thing this Woman wished for was to get out and walk. she told me she had got to go walk but she had fallen so she was not going to get to solo walking. it came to me tha I think its time to take the time to get some of these people out and let them enjoy the spring air when it warms up some. I think its going to be interesting to just take them in there wheel chair for a short walk and just let them talk. I have yet again been changed. Im looking forward to listening to some stories from these people. I know each of them is so lonely as when i clean each wishes to just talk. I have had to adjust to being able to work and talk and give them some conversation. Im not sure where this is going to go but im ready!

my first real day of work at the new job

Today was fun. I was assigned to a gal my age and they call her shorty. she is a hoot! we hit it off great adn she was awesome as a trainer, i got to meet so many people today. I will never get there names im so thankfull for name badges. they have a cafeteria at work adn you can purchace meals so I thought I would give it a try. I bouchr a meal ticket just like in school and  could not wait for lunch. I looked at the price of there meals adn holy crap almost 7 bux for a lunch. I wont be eating lunch there much. however for 2.50 you can get there salad bar. it was ok but anyone who knows me knows I need alot of calories a day to get by. just after lunch I was off to get my fingerprints taken and the back ground crap done. I HATE doing that!!!!
 after all that it was back to work and the end of shift. I came home called a few friends and waited for the dude to cal about a tool I had for sale on craigslist. got the call drove to Pullman sold it adn back home. I will be so thankfull to have my own space.

orientation day

today I woke up and got ready for work..... I know that sounds trivial but it was my first day adn orientation is always interesting. I got to sign a bunch of new forms then off to watch a boat load of videos they even fed me lunch. after lunch it was back to more videos adn when i had them done I got to again sign my name a bunch again. then it was the hepatitus b shot. im so glad to have work. I start tommorow cleaning and im ready to start working. I do have a fear..... I may know some of the resedence and I have an aunt who lives there. i think its going to be hard to be there adn watching them pass away. i know i am a tough guy but inside im really not. i know its going to be hard adn im worried i will have a hard time with it. I also know me... i will make frieends with many people and bring a few smiles to many faces by just being me. i hope i can handle it.

yet another weekend has passed

what a week after selling the stock trailor and buying a truck i had a little cash left to go to the gun show! I used to love to go to them and see people i had not seen in a while but now I go and see alot of faces I have never seen. But its all good this way i still get to be just part of the crowd. while at the show I remebered something i really dont ike. imagine your looking at some cool thing and some jerk just pushes there way into you and you have to move on. there was this guy selling tazers there adn all the time i was there colse by his table i could hear him light it up. after i got home I got thinking that I wish I had one there and those jerks who wana just push and shove well zap em. how funny would that be when they get up off the floor look at em and ask didnt yer Mama teach your sorry ass any manners? then just walk off. I did get to buy a couple things for my new rifle. first off I got a new mounting bracket that fits my rifle and you can hang many accessories from it such as bi pods and lazers or flash lights etc. i chose a bi pod now when I get to take it out and shoot perhaps I will be steady enough to really fine sight it in so I can shoot longer ranges adn be more acurate. I got a text from my bestest friend lst night and she was all excited about some writing whe is doing. ( She is very good)  she shared with me her story adn i was once again impressed with her ability to be so creative adn get it on paper so to speak.
Today was alot more layed back for me I chose to stay home and not go with my brother adn his wife to the gun show again. I went and seen a cousin i had not seen in years then to my great aunts and visited with her then off for a burger and fries and wound up at my favorite Aunts place and spent time with her. I so cant wait for it to warm up some more adn the ground to dry up. I will be going camping and shooting and then as it warms more off to find some mushrooms.
Tommorow should be interesting as well. I have to insure the new truck and buy tags for it. i hope to do some trading to have a few minor things dont to it in a shop and then i will have that behind me.
it should be an interesting week.

Dancing

 I have always had a time with how people look at me. I also learned a long time ago that if you wish to be noticed dance well. I remember my first dance I was so clumsey adn awkward. but years pass and we learn. now when it comes to dancing to country and western dance Im pretty bad ass. i worked hard to learn the dances and then when i had them down pat I modifyed em to my own thing. i can say this is about the only area of my life i feel confidence thats second to none. Now I am learning a new style of dance. music from the 30's adn 40's its kinda hard to adjust as its just backwards to every thing I know. but after learning east coast swing I have the steps down pat so i am perfecting the moves. its always a confidence builder when one of the college girls asks me to dance.
it has been said that my grandpa was the most smooth waltzer in that time period. I always thought it would be bad ass to atleast be as good or maybe even beter than he was. this dance was the hardest thing I ever tryed but after a few years of not giving up i mastered it! tonight I got to teach a young lady how to waltz and gave her a boost of self confidence like no one ever has. it ws so much fun to be spinning in perfect step infront of many people  and make her look like she was the most bad ass woman on the floor! yeah for me i get to feel good!

in need of some help

I am wondering if I have a neon sign that says Looser flying over my head thats only visible to other people? again I have been hurt! I have a hard time when your close to someone and you are there through thick and thin and poof that person is gone. Im so tired of being hurt i could scream. 3 of my 5 kids have now pretty much ditched old Dad adn it hurts. Im so tired of the heart ache i just want to disapear and say to hell with it. Trust me it my world it would be very easy to disapear. I am at that point in life where i just want to give up, Im tired of trying and giving and hurting. I know this sounds so dramatic but its how i feel. I went in today to do all the paperwork for my new job and get my physical and guess what happened? I failed!!!! the limit for the blood pressure is 140 over 90 and I did 147 over 92 so tommorow I get to make a visit to the doctor and get a physsical there.....woooo hooo I just hope i pass. i have had many hits on my trailor and have found the most beautifull truck
i m sellin the trailor for 2 grand and the trucck is 1500 so I will have money for insurance adn tags. I just hope this font fall through too.

so my question is this......... should a person just stop careing and be hardened adn callous or should I keep on trying? andy suggestions would be awesome